Running the room

What to do about the member who dominates the room

Almost every group has one. The member who answers every question, has an opinion on every presentation and somehow turns each topic back to their own business. Usually they mean well. They are often successful, confident and used to running the room in the rest of their life. Left alone, they quietly teach everyone else to stop talking.

The leader's job is not to silence them. It is to make room for everyone else while keeping the member engaged.

Notice the cost early

The cost of a dominant member is rarely visible in what they say. It shows up in what other people stop saying. Watch for members who used to ask questions and now do not, presenters who look to one person for the answer, and quiet members who start missing meetings. By the time someone complains, the pattern has usually been in place for months.

Use the structure before you use a conversation

Most of the problem can be handled with the meeting format. Go around the room so every member speaks once before anyone speaks twice. Ask for questions only, not advice, for a set period. Call on quieter members by name with a specific question. Give the dominant member a role, such as timekeeper or the person who summarizes what they heard, which gives their energy somewhere useful to go.

These tools work because they apply to everyone. Nobody feels singled out, and the room gets better for all of its members at once.

Have the private conversation

If the structure is not enough, talk to the member privately and soon. Do it in person or on the phone, not by email. Start with what they bring to the group, because it is usually real. Then describe what you have seen, specifically and without labels: in the last two meetings you spoke first on every question, and two members who usually contribute did not speak at all. Ask what they think is going on. Most people respond well to being treated as a partner in making the group work.

Ask for their help rather than asking them to stop. Something like: I need you to help me draw out the quieter members. Your questions are good. Ask fewer of them, and ask them later.

Follow through

Notice and acknowledge the change when it happens. If it does not happen, have a second conversation that is clearer about the consequences for the group. The worst outcome is a leader who sees the problem and waits. The other members are watching to see whether the leader will protect the room, and they will draw their own conclusions about whether it is worth their time.

From Leading the Room, a book in progress by Gerry Morton on how great peer groups are led, drawn from twenty-two years in Vistage, EO, YPO and TIGER 21.